Out of My Mind

From Andy Borowitz:

BUSH DECLARES INDEPENDENCE FROM CONSTITUTION
Blasts Historic Document in Fourth of July Address

In a nationally televised Fourth of July address, President George W. Bush stunned the nation by announcing that he was declaring himself independent from the United States Constitution.

“Just as our forefathers threw off the horrible yoke of British rule on July 4, 1976, today I am throwing off the yoke of this truly annoying document,” Mr. Bush said.

Mr. Bush said that the original copy of the Constitution would be auctioned on eBay and that proceeds from that sale would help pay for a “long overdue” cut in the estate tax.

According to the president’s aides, ever since the Supreme Court decided last week that the use of military tribunals in Guantanamo was unconstitutional Mr. Bush had been looking for a way around that decision, even contemplating sending the Justices themselves to Guanatanamo.

Ultimately, one aide said, the president decided that a declaration of independence from the Constitution was the most workable solution: “The fact is, whenever we’re trying to get something done around here, that stupid Constitution gets in the way.”

Mr. Bush acknowledged that some legal scholars would call his declaration of independence from the Constitution unconstitutional, but added, “To those people I say, no backsies.”

The president said that while he was no longer required to obey the U.S. Constitution, he still respected the Declaration of Independence, “because it has a really cool treasure map on the back.”

Of course, for a change, Andy's nailed a real story (sort of) and did so after the fact.